[The mood shifts ever slightly, but Jill hardly minds. Happiness is reduced to something ordinary when it's all one knows, and this new tone doesn't make her any less comfortable. So she finds Clive's hands. Laces her fingers between his. Tilts her face to press the gentlest of kisses to his neck.
It's difficult for her to relate to his feelings regarding Rodney. She can't begin to see it as his responsibility, since she knows, at the very least, that he wasn't in control. What that means, however, is lost to her; Shiva's never done the same in her body, always yielding to Jill's command. Except the first time, but Jill was in fetters before she could prime, then, and she remembers little of the rest.
Instead of dwelling on that part of her past, she focuses in on what Clive says about his father. On how he doesn't want her to she feel that she must. She squeezes his hands and relaxes a bit more against him with a soft exhale.]
So much of what I've done in life has been because I'd convinced myself that it must be done. I've thought a lot over the last five years about how different everything might have been if only I'd stood my ground, or... I don't know. What I mean to say is you freed me from that, and I won't disrespect all you've done by doing things for you because I feel I must.
[It's not just for his sake, though. The moment she starts looking at Clive and finding ways to obligate herself to him is the moment she's lost herself again.]
If honouring his name doesn't suit you, we'll find some other way for him to live on through us, because it's important to me that you and our children have that.
no subject
It's difficult for her to relate to his feelings regarding Rodney. She can't begin to see it as his responsibility, since she knows, at the very least, that he wasn't in control. What that means, however, is lost to her; Shiva's never done the same in her body, always yielding to Jill's command. Except the first time, but Jill was in fetters before she could prime, then, and she remembers little of the rest.
Instead of dwelling on that part of her past, she focuses in on what Clive says about his father. On how he doesn't want her to she feel that she must. She squeezes his hands and relaxes a bit more against him with a soft exhale.]
So much of what I've done in life has been because I'd convinced myself that it must be done. I've thought a lot over the last five years about how different everything might have been if only I'd stood my ground, or... I don't know. What I mean to say is you freed me from that, and I won't disrespect all you've done by doing things for you because I feel I must.
[It's not just for his sake, though. The moment she starts looking at Clive and finding ways to obligate herself to him is the moment she's lost herself again.]
If honouring his name doesn't suit you, we'll find some other way for him to live on through us, because it's important to me that you and our children have that.